What Kind of Research Do They Do?

This is one of the enduring mysteries of the SMRL enigma. Unconfirmed reports of shrieking and moaning noises amidst the din of clattering steel objects deep within the bowels of SMRL have surfaced, but no one seems to be able to find out exactly what sorts of research is being performed, or what ultimate aims Team SMRL have in mind, and no one in a position to know these things is doing any talking. Ask an SMRL scientist what he is working on, and you will likely get as many different answers as you have scientists you ask questions. A glimmer of clarity emerged at last year's Burning Man Festival when SMRL representatives distributed a strange alcoholic drink called "Spocktail 1.0". This mysterious liquid reputedly caused convulsions and lack of critical thinking in many individuals who consumed it, but no official complaints were ever filed against SMRL for their activities.

An earlier report suggests that much of SMRL's work revolves around the idea of a "huntin' dog daterbase" that was pioneered by Dr. Sanders at his ranch in the Ozarks, but since this product, too, remains hidden from public view, an observer can but speculate. Is it possible, as some have suggested, that SMRL is actually doing research into the existence of an extraterrestrial "Star Chile"? Or is it more likely that the public face of SMRL as happy-go-lucky "Purveyors of Fine Beverages" is closer to the truth? Anyone who has heard the inhuman screams issuing from Compound Six at SMRL Headquarters might be inclined to disagree with the "Weird, but Harmless" theory.